I am valuable too!

I am like many other moms out there. I have always put my daughter ahead of myself and have sacrificed everything for her. But God’s been adjusting my perspective lately and showing me that there’s a difference between sacrificing yourself for the sake of your children and neglecting yourself. One notion that has always been hard for me to understand is the “love yourself” mentality. I wear sweatpants/jeans, a t shirt, and pull my hair back. Yes, motherhood has taken over! Makeup... Why? That is not the woman I used to know. She cared about her appearance. When I go shopping or am out with girlfriends, the only thing I can seem to accomplish is find things that will look great on Abby, create something for her, or talk about her. Whatever happened to just sitting around sipping a glass of wine and enjoying a conversation that is more than what happened on the latest episode of Dora. I need deeper connections and some juicy gossip to go with it. I need true girlfriend friendships that sweep me off into another realm.

It wasn't until recently, that I figured out how much I have been doing for her and how little I have done for myself. I prepare all of her meals, but yet, I myself forget to eat. It isn't until I am shaking that I finally realize that maybe, just maybe, I should take the time to eat something. I praise her, yet I tell myself frequently that I’m ugly, I need to lose more weight, and I beat myself up for the littlest mistakes I make. I make her go to bed at a certain hour because she needs her rest. Yet I stay up late, I ignore the clock, and I am frequently tired because I don’t go to bed at a decent hour myself. I could go on and on, but I think you get my point. I was out walking with my husband earlier this week and I mentioned that I have felt that so much of the old me has been missing. The confidence, the self-esteem, the strength and determination, and the feeling that I can do anything God sets forth to me all have seemed to vanish right before my eyes. I was a model, but you wouldn't have guessed that by looking at me. I asked him, "what can I do to get these feelings back?" My husband is amazing, but all he said was "ok, well you aren't a model now." Yes, that is obvious honey. He then said "you can't be one of those women from Desperate Housewives, it's not real." Okay, he got me. Yes, I love the show.

It was then that I realized that I was mistreating myself. In doing so – whether physically, mentally/emotionally, or spiritually - I am dishonoring my Creator. He made me, He called me by name and said “You are Mine.” He sees me as being valuable to Him, He has my name written on His hands, His thoughts toward me outnumber the grains of sand on the beach, He gave His own Son to die for ME. If God did all of that FOR ME, is it not RIGHT and GOOD to take care of myself and so honor the One who made me? 

I love being a mom and I adore my daughter. I wouldn't trade it for the world, but I have realized in the last week, that more words are being spoken to me then ever before. Yes, I am actually listening and hearing that I am valuable too!